I’m surrounded by assholes

09 11 2007

I really hate people.

Not like it’s a big secret or anything. Hell, I spend the vast majority of my day trying to minimize my contact with other people. If I didn’t you’d probably see a breaking news story on the 5 o’clock news about some crazy guy that went on a face-punching spree and the ensuing standoff where he is now holed up in a dollar store threatening to repeatedly punch some white-trash baby. (You know…because babies are fucking assholes.)

I can’t help it. Everyone is just so damn annoying.

Take my neighbors, for example.
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Birthday boners: a surprise surprise party

08 20 2007

I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to have a birthday pass without some sort of interesting story attached.

My plan:  Take Thursday (my birthday) and Friday off and do absolutely nothing.  Just relax.  Listen to some music, watch a movie or two, and just be lazy until Sunday when I’d get together for a meal with the family.

What actually happened:  Not really that.

Well, sorta that.  With a little extra “people breaking into my house” action.  And boners.

Yes, I’m about to explain.  Calm down.
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My take on religion

08 13 2007

Ah, religion. A subject almost everyone has a fairly solid opinion on.

Including me.

*Warning* This blog is not suitable for viewing at work. Or at church.

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An open letter to pilots

08 11 2007

Dear pilots,

Please don’t crash into my house. That wouldn’t be very nice.

Thank you,

Cavepimp

PS…if you’re reading this while flying please stop and focus on not crashing.

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OCD and me…and a pirate

07 31 2007

The other day I stopped at a Plaid Pantry (convenience store) on my way home to grab some fuel for one of the all-too-frequent all-nighters I’ve pulled recently.

I gathered my various energy drinks and nerd fuel and headed to the register, which apparently was being manned by a pirate.

Seriously. Read the rest of this entry »

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My new love!

05 3 2007

I wasn’t planning on blogging again so soon but two things happened:

1. I realized that last blog was stupid. Kinda neat, sure…but it was one of those “everyday life” blogs completely devoid of anything resembling substance. 90% of bloggers pollute the interweb with that crap that nobody really cares about, making it harder to find the decent shit worth reading.

2. I think I found “The One”.

Yep. And I’m not even joking. She’s damn near perfect.
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Chevrolet, Mellencamp abandon hostile takeover plot

05 2 2007

In what is shaping up to be a rough past few weeks for American auto makers, Chevrolet admitted today that its attempt at a hostile takeover of the United States has failed, leaving many wondering just exactly what the industry giant will do now.

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There is something wrong with my ass

03 30 2007

Seriously.

Normally it isn’t like this. Read the rest of this entry »

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Well that certainly explains a lot…

03 14 2007

I was just minding my own business the other day when someone posed a very thought-provoking question to me. Being someone who tends to think on occasion, the provocation ended up working and I became somewhat fixated on trying to answer his query.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” is a somewhat complex question to answer. Read the rest of this entry »

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God, I could really use some pussy right about now

03 11 2007

Based on a true story 

CAPE GIRARDEAU, Mo. - A local man got a little bit more than he bargained for while patrolling the grounds of the Cape Rock Water Treatment Plant Tuesday night. Read the rest of this entry »

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