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In what is shaping up to be a rough past few weeks for American auto makers, Chevrolet admitted today that its attempt at a hostile takeover of the United States has failed, leaving many wondering just exactly what the industry giant will do now.

In a move confirmed by the launch of a seemingly less aggressive campaign over SuperBowl weekend, Chevrolet has decided to cut ties with John Cougar Mellencamp, effectively ending any chances of the powerhouse duo ever taking over the United States.  Their media assault, launched last fall, boldly proclaimed “This is our country” an average of once every 4 minutes on major television networks across the country.

In a news conference held Monday morning, a Chevrolet spokesperson said “As much as we enjoyed our partnership with Mr. Mellencamp, after flooding the media with our message for over 6 months we came to the conclusion that we needed to adopt a different, more terrorist-like strategy.”  The statement went on to read “(Mellencamp) simply did not strike fear into the hearts of Americans in the way we had expected.  We initially had figured, ‘Hey, this guy’s middle name is freakin’ Cougar for Christ’s sake’ and had naturally assumed he was up to the task.”

When attempted to be reached for comment, Mellencamp’s career was absolutely nowhere to be found.

Chevrolet’s new strategy appears to have the same goal, industry insiders speculate.  One source, speaking on condition of anonymity, stated that Chevrolet’s newly aired propaganda spots that feature ordinary Americans singing songs from the past and present that mention Chevrolet vehicles “appears to be trying to reach into the very fabric of the average American’s community.  To embed itself quietly, much like a terrorist cell, waiting to rise up when called upon.  Plus, the singing is better than that last piece of crap.”

Also being speculated is that Chevrolet is searching for a more credible frontman.  According to a notable terrorism expert, “People obviously weren’t cowering in terror of ‘The Cougar’, but if they go with something more aggressive it might just work.  There are rumored talks with Sting.  Cougar is a fluffy little kitty, but Sting is a verb.  A verb!  Plus, he was in The Police and nobody would ever suspect a former member of The Police to be involved with a plot such as this.”