mynutsitch.com

I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to have a birthday pass without some sort of interesting story attached.

My plan:  Take Thursday (my birthday) and Friday off and do absolutely nothing.  Just relax.  Listen to some music, watch a movie or two, and just be lazy until Sunday when I’d get together for a meal with the family.

What actually happened:  Not really that.

Well, sorta that.  With a little extra “people breaking into my house” action.  And boners.

Yes, I’m about to explain.  Calm down.

Thursday rolled around and there were a couple meetings I couldn’t get out of, so I just phoned it in from home and took the rest of the day off after I was done.  By the end of the last meeting I had my cell phone on mute and was mocking my retarded coworkers, contemplating unmuting the phone and announcing that I couldn’t take it anymore and I quit.  I managed to restrain myself (barely), but that’s another blog.

Then I spent most of the afternoon dicking around on the computer reading blogs, writing one, working on a few top secret things that I can’t tell you about until I accidentally let some details slip at the end of this blog, and other assorted slackerish things.

And then, as I said I was going to at the end of my SBT blog, I went to take a nap.  Shit, it’s not like I had anything better to do.  Plus I hadn’t been feeling all that great most of the week and had my normal sleep pattern disrupted by some meds I’ve been on, so I figured I’d just lay down for a few hours and then get back to my regularly scheduled nothing.

Seemed like a plan, and it was quite nice as I drifted off into apparently the deepest sleep anyone has ever accomplished without actually dying.

[insert dreams about naked chicks here]

Groggy and confused.  That’s what I was.  After a somewhat less-than-quick glance at the alarm clock, some half-asleep math told me my alarm wasn’t supposed to go off for another hour.

But there was a man shaking my leg and calling my name, and then he yelled towards the door “He’s up here.”

Wait…I’m supposed to be sleeping.  Why is my step dad touching my leg and yelling?

More importantly, why is he touching my leg while I’m essentially naked and have a boner?

Why is my mom in the room now?

I don’t think I’ve ever been more confused in my life.  I have also never been more determined to stay lying on my stomach in my life.  Thankfully, I don’t think I’ve ever lost an erection that fast in my life either.

After several very weird minutes of conversation, I managed to gather that they had broken into my house because they thought I might be dead.  You know, because I didn’t answer the phone while I was sleeping and stuff.  To be fair, I guess my cousin had an allergic reaction similar to the one I’d been dealing with and had actually gone unconscious recently, so I guess that was on their minds…and after making the trip out (13.95 miles according to mapquest) I didn’t answer my phone, repeated doorbell rings, etc…but still.  Thankfully I had left my sliding glass door to the backyard unlocked, otherwise it would have been a little more interesting.

I was still very confused for quite a while after they left (because they were “planning on going to a restaurant right down the street from my house anyway”. Riiight.) and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I just wandered into the other room and resumed my regularly scheduled nothing.  Right after clearing the 5 voicemails they left.

Hey, it’s about 2:15am now as I wrap this up.  Would it be rude to call my mom and let her know I’m planning on going to bed now…just in case?