mynutsitch.com

It turns out I think I might be a little rusty with the whole girl thing.

I guess it has been a while, I guess I just didn’t realize that my technique was quite this far out of date.

Me: Will you be my bestest friend? [ ] Yes [ ] No
Mystery Girl: [ XXXXX ] Yes [ ] No
Me:
Me: that makes me the most happiest guy in the history of ever

Holy shit. Apparently my romantic abilities are at a 5th grade level.

A 5th grader with back hair. Exactly what every woman wants.

Not only that, but it appears my real-life case of foot-in-mouth disease is now carrying over into my IM sessions. I’m practically world-renowned for my complete inability to filter anything before it comes flying out of my mouth…apparently now my brain can’t censor my fingers either.

Mystery Girl: and what are you going to do
Me: probably write a couple sentences and jack off again
Me: lol
Me: kidding, kidding…
Me: sorta

Oh. Dear. God.

And that isn’t even the worst of it.

Now, apparently my lack of skills hasn’t totally driven her away yet. But she has started dropping hints that she wants me to write her stuff. Little notes. Poems. She even mentioned sonnets.

What the hell is a sonnet?

I need help.

Considering that roughly 70% of you reading this are women between the ages of 20 and 45, I figured maybe you guys could give me some guidance. Last time I wrote a poem it was pretty far from romantic (something about attempting to accost a woman with a taser).

Me: so, this question might offend you a little bit but I hope you can laugh about it…it’s just…I dunno…relevant
Mystery Girl: ask
Me: do you, or have you ever had, uh….man parts?

Shit. Never mind. I think I’m beyond help.