mynutsitch.com

It turns out I think I might be a little rusty with the whole girl thing.

I guess it has been a while, I guess I just didn’t realize that my technique was quite this far out of date.

Me: Will you be my bestest friend? [ ] Yes [ ] No
Mystery Girl: [ XXXXX ] Yes [ ] No
Me:
Me: that makes me the most happiest guy in the history of ever

Read the rest of this entry »

My balls are in heaven right now.  It is like ten thousand tiny little leprechauns are down there massaging my sack with the skill and precision that only comes from having spent years in an Asian massage parlor in the seedy part of town. Read the rest of this entry »

I mean, seriously.  What’s wrong with it? Read the rest of this entry »

My sister gave me the most awesome Christmas gift ever. I apologize for not blogging about my Christmas adventures yet (oh, and there’s some good stuff) but that took a back seat to preparing for this.

And by “this” I mean my trip to outer space.

The final frontier.

Where no asstronaut has gone before.

Yes…I spelled it that way on purpose. Read the rest of this entry »

As promised, this is the first in a series of stories that came from my time spent at Oregon State University. This is a bit different than my usual style and ended up being quite long (as I’m sure you’ve noticed), but I promise it’s worth the read. Read the rest of this entry »

$1,611.92

That’s how much I spent after deciding to return that retardedly expensive $440 vacuum.

On what, you ask?

Sex. Read the rest of this entry »

A couple weeks ago I saw a UFO.  No joke.

I’ve been trying to make sense of it in my normally rather logical and scientific brain but it just isn’t working.  I just can’t think of any logical explanation for a shiny object (roughly the size of a van) hovering in midair for several seconds, suddenly accelerating to a ridiculous rate of speed (traveled probably 1000 feet in less than a second), and then disappearing into thin air.  Read the rest of this entry »

A few weeks ago a car-full of girls in their late teens (I think…it’s really damn hard to tell sometimes) pulled up next to me at a red light and were waving, giggling, saying “hi” and just generally being retarded teenage girls. I just smiled and sort of half-waved, not sure exactly how to react.

Have I ever mentioned I’m socially retarded? Read the rest of this entry »

This is the 3rd (and final) blog in the series I created while my company was going through massive layoffs.

What kind of jobs would I be qualified for? Read the rest of this entry »

In case you missed it, you should at least skim part 1 so you know what the hell I’m talking about.  I know hardly anyone read it.  I’m psychic.

And when I say psychic I mean “capable of looking at the blog counter”.

Fuckers.

So this is part 2 of the possible career changes I am considering depending on what all happens at work over the next few months.  It was just too damn long to put in one blog without people passing out halfway through.  Sue me. Read the rest of this entry »