mynutsitch.com

I should start off by saying I hate doctors.  Well, not really doctors, but going to their offices.  Where they work.

Or pretend to work.  Whatever.
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Ahhh…college.

So many good memories.  Mostly because I never went to class.

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It turns out I think I might be a little rusty with the whole girl thing.

I guess it has been a while, I guess I just didn’t realize that my technique was quite this far out of date.

Me: Will you be my bestest friend? [ ] Yes [ ] No
Mystery Girl: [ XXXXX ] Yes [ ] No
Me:
Me: that makes me the most happiest guy in the history of ever

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My balls are in heaven right now.  It is like ten thousand tiny little leprechauns are down there massaging my sack with the skill and precision that only comes from having spent years in an Asian massage parlor in the seedy part of town. Read the rest of this entry »

I mean, seriously.  What’s wrong with it? Read the rest of this entry »

My sister gave me the most awesome Christmas gift ever. I apologize for not blogging about my Christmas adventures yet (oh, and there’s some good stuff) but that took a back seat to preparing for this.

And by “this” I mean my trip to outer space.

The final frontier.

Where no asstronaut has gone before.

Yes…I spelled it that way on purpose. Read the rest of this entry »

Well, do you?

I don’t personally but I know a few people who absolutely HATE clowns and I’m pretty sure it’s not that uncommon.

I was listening to the radio on my way home from doing something yesterday and a song from back in the good ol’ days came on. I was tapping my feet and belting it out (much to the amusement of the people who could see my face, and much less to the amusement of the guy behind me who saw my brake lights’ response to my tapping foot), and then my brain did something funny.

It got all sick and twisted on me.

And thus, a new song was born. Read the rest of this entry »

As promised, this is the first in a series of stories that came from my time spent at Oregon State University. This is a bit different than my usual style and ended up being quite long (as I’m sure you’ve noticed), but I promise it’s worth the read. Read the rest of this entry »

$1,611.92

That’s how much I spent after deciding to return that retardedly expensive $440 vacuum.

On what, you ask?

Sex. Read the rest of this entry »

A couple weeks ago I saw a UFO.  No joke.

I’ve been trying to make sense of it in my normally rather logical and scientific brain but it just isn’t working.  I just can’t think of any logical explanation for a shiny object (roughly the size of a van) hovering in midair for several seconds, suddenly accelerating to a ridiculous rate of speed (traveled probably 1000 feet in less than a second), and then disappearing into thin air.  Read the rest of this entry »